This week, we chat a little bit about Charlottesville and segue from those human dildos to actual sex robots. Michael wishes for a brighter Keith Richards timeline. Cush tries to be Cockney, lands in Australia. We air out some hamster crimes.

Highlights include:

  • Charlottesville, the ACLU, and human garbage. [2:00]
  • Cush gets a 4:20 education. [9:50]
  • Michael does some tortilla sins. [19:20]
  • Would you like to play a (sex) game? [27:00]
  • For the discerning gentlemen. [32:40]
  • You failed us again, Keith Richards. [38:00]
  • Dale Bearnhardt and Cheez-It’s last ride. [43:00]
  • Glittermom’d! [52:45]
00:0000:00
This week, we take a break from ruining your childhood favorites to ruin the Bloomin’ Onion. Sorry, they’re Satanic now. Michael invites everyone to a family exorcism, Cush lays plans to become king of Skynet, and we wonder how long it would take us to become jerks in Westworld. THE SAND MYSTERY DEEPENS.

Highlights include:

  • Love is dead, and Marvel Studios killed it. [1:05]
  • #AaronsParty starts swinging. [4:20]
  • Possibly the worst contraceptive of all time. [7:30]
  • Science editors having a good time. [21:50]
  • Looks like you're trying to destroy humanity. Want some help with that? [25:45]
  • Green investments [35:20]
  • Hipster barfights [44:00]
  • Exorcism tomorrow? START PLAN. [47:30]
  • Footsteps in frosting. [61:25]
00:0000:00
August 3, 2017

TILP 33: Cocaine Poolboys

This week, we bring a special guest onto the show to explore the Cushing family’s brush with a notorious Florida drug queenpin, Michael’s eyes are opened to the deeply Christian nature of every 90s rock band, and Cush connects the dot on the highly sexual global conspiracy emanating from the Hundred Acre Wood.
  • The horrifying Bezos dog mill. [2:00]
  • These cookies are so good I can’t feel my face. [10:40]
  • Winnie the Pooh: Weibo hero, Illuminati member, and insatiable sexual deviant. [30:30]
  • Hey asteroids, let’s bring it on back. Finish the mission. [49:50]
  • Hater dater data. [54:50]
  • Blessings from Dr. Coppertone. [60:15]
  • Was there an owl? [64:50]
00:0000:00
July 28, 2017

TILP 32: Pollo Sensual

This week, Michael introduces a brand new fashion craze, Cush calls out the cowards of #DriveByDunkChallenge, and the great Atlanta sand mystery deepens. A raccoon meets a grim end, and we find the weirdest video on the Internet. We did it.
  • Michael gets his giblets checked. [4:20]
  • Let’s just not, HBO. [9:15]
  • Sir, please turn off those headlights. [15:30]
  • They see me (not) rollin’, they hatin’. [26:00]
  • The sand mysteries. [28:25]
  • Do you want rabies? Because that’s how you get rabies. [31:20]
  • Well, that’s one way to fertilize an egg. [38:40]
  • Spicey's Feisty Ice Heist. [51:30]
00:0000:00
This week, the boys throw a grim #AaronsParty, revel in old commercials, and struggle to find sympathy for the skydevil. Mike takes payment technology to the next level, Michael brings your eyes to Flavortown by way of hell, and every listener owes us 1,000 hours of community service. Ha! Gotcha, suckers.
  • The Game of Sheerans [1:15]
  • #AaronsParty takes a dark turn. [3:45]
  • 411, not just for olds. [8:00]
  • Terms and Conditions? Never heard of ‘em. [13:05]
  • Welcome to Skylaw, dummy. [18:55]
  • Short, gross passwords. [27:00]
  • Balloony Bin [34:10]
  • It’s toilet time, a-holes. [41:30]
  • The poop is out there. [44:35]
  • Sunny Flavortown beaches. [50:15]
00:0000:00
This week, we explore the Flat Earth civil war and geriatric social media. Michael introduces the world's most devious 10-year-old, Cush gets a hankerin’ for seitan, and we talk about punching kids for the 5th episode in a row.

Highlights include:

  • Cush’s fun weekend plans [2:25]
  • #Buttholegate [4:50]
  • ‘Cause we’re all creeeeeps. [14:40]
  • Crisis on Infinite Flat Earths [20:05]
  • Voice-to-Tweet Technology [27:05]
  • Cards Against Your Childhood [33:20]
  • Needledick Penisgun [35:55]
  • Celebrity crushbones [43:45]
  • False flag murder diary [52:00]
  • #Disguisting #allwomen [64:25]
00:0000:00
This week, Michael returns from the beautiful Greek isles to…this whole mess. The boys talk in depth about which children they could defeat in single combat, Cush expands your penile workout regimen, and we lament Ed Sheeran’s exit from Twitter. What’s On Weibo makes a tasty return.
  • Bronzed Greek god [3:00]
  • A helicopter dick for the modern era [12:00]
  • Got a case of the munchies. [28:15]
  • Magnum Pleasure Pop-Up [34:10]
  • Taste the Racebow [45:20]
  • Fancy a biscuit? [51:30]
  • Clash of Kids [54:00]
  • Dogmergency [63:00]
00:0000:00
This week, Cush stumbles upon a glitch in the Matrix and Michael comes to a stark realization about his tolerance for haunted children. We explore the secret history of the Bible, the imperfections of modern technology, and lament the kickboxing Predator that could have been. Somehow, we forgot to talk about porn AGAIN.
Highlights include:
  • The right time to punch your child [5:30]
  • A cold key is a safe key [7:55]
  • Alexa, I'm drunk - buy everything. [13:35]
  • A glass half deadly [16:35]
  • A sweaty, splitty mess [22:30]
  • Jurassic Park Genesis: Origins – Noah Begins [33:15]
  • The worst Uber Pool [39:10]
  • Sommelier all the things [46:25]
  • I believe in the sand beneath my toes. The beach gives a feeling, an earthy feeling. [56:45]
00:0000:00
This week, we talk about onion ring conspiracies and start a fight with the whole dang animal kingdom. Michael introduces some real tight swimwear. Mike pitches a new pastime for bored rich people. We get in touch with our animal roots.
Highlights include:
  • The Ghost Babysitter's Club [2:00]
  • Lorde of the O-rings [10:20]
  • Pig with a full tummy. [16:05]
  • The strength of 5 go-rillas! [28:15]
  • How Now Chocolate Cow [30:30]
  • Comey, Comey, Comey Chameleon [34:00]
  • Nice, tight man nips. [41:10]
  • Billy Goat Gruff [48:50]
  • Ninja Chronicles [75:00]
00:0000:00
This week, a listener submission turns into the horniest episode in this very dumb show’s history. Michael introduces the world’s favorite sex positions. Cush goes all-in on new chicken-ordering techniques. The boys explore the conspiracy at the end of all things. This episode contains: a lot of faces and a heaping helpin’ of porn.
  • Turns out insects are animals. Who knew? [2:10]
  • The Vin Diesel roleplaying experience. [5:30]
  • We are all on James Deen’s face. [12:15]
  • Pornhub’s big, hard data. [19:30]
  • Gotta stay butt to butt. [25:20]
  • What’s the J for? [29:20]
  • KFC meddling with forces beyond its understanding. [33:00]
  • The Vin Scully of Sex Commentary. [37:00]
  • OK, now simulate a universe with penis bones. [41:30]
00:0000:00

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