January 11, 2018

TILP 54: Dildo Daddins

First off…we’re very sorry. This week, Mike jumps in a freezer and waits for death. Michael introduces the worst possible dildo experience of all time. It’s our worst episode yet, complete with a Marvel Studios-style post-credits scene. Enjoy?
Highlights include:
  • You can’t outdeal the Devil. [1:45]
  • Damn you, Zach Braff. [4:00]
  • Iguana PSA [7:25]
  • Freeze me, beat me, kill me. [14:40]
  • Become one with your toots. [21:10]
  • Put some pep in your butt. [30:00]
  • Testicular explosion disorder [40:00]
  • The Ballad of Newman [45:00]
  • Pump, pump, pump it up. [47:10]
  • The literal worst FML of all time. [55:10]
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This week, we are back and ready to roll into the new year. Mike and Michael make excuses for their laziness. Mike sees dead people. Michael gets high on catnip. We go for a little dip in Silicon Valley poop-water.
Highlights include:
  • Ooh, piece of candy [7:35]
  • Sometimes Swedish dudes just hypnotize me [11:33]
  • Pandacists are not welcome here [22:51]
  • Merry Catmas [27:24]
  • River of Giardia [35:01]
  • Don't beat me again Daddy [51:03]
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This week, it's our ONE YEAR anniversary, and we look a gift-frog in the mouth. Mike uncovers the hidden truth about aliens and tries to cover the unhidden truth about your cat's butthole. Michael asks not what zombie Jesus can do for you, but what you can do for zombie Jesus. We go deep into the story of one man's very horrible drunken mistake.
Highlights include:
  • Luketose Intolerance [3:22]
  • Blink UFO [9:49]
  • R2-DFruit [20:18]
  • Fightin' 'Round the Girls [28:30]
  • Lord Zombo Christ [37:30]
  • Class Up That Cathole [46:55]
  • Bronze Dildo Pogo Stick [54:18]
00:0000:00
This week, we find out what Jesus was hiding in that holiest of holes. Mike warns of the dangers of both confined spaces and horny ghosts. Michael reveals TILP's newest sponsors and Mike shares our possible new theme song. We treat you all to the dulcet tones of The Michaels Ocean.
Highlights include:
  • This is My House [01:20]
  • Mr. Dumb, Bad Robot [03:30]
  • Badonkadonk Jesus [11:35]
  • Binge Mode [23:15]
  • Pirates of the Caribbean Queen [31:45]
  • Sponsored Content [35:55]
  • Ghost 2: Erotic Boogaloo [41:28]
  • Secret Japanese Game Show [52:06]
  • Come At Us Billy Ocean [58:16]
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December 7, 2017

TILP 50: Avalanche of Love

This week, we unleash an avalanche of pure sexual energy that explodes in a prism of mouth machines. Michael delivers Grim Truths about the Hunger. Mike once again reveals the limits of Christian science education. We learn some hard truths about all of Rudolph’s lady pals.
Highlights include:
  • Cush suits up. [3:00]
  • Well, it’s erotica time. [11:45]
  • Flower autopsies. [41:00]
  • Sorry, Reindeer Games. [47:15]
  • Absolute panda-monium. [55:55]
00:0000:00
This week, we break off a piece of brain and absorb all of Einstein’s power. Michael invites some stinkpeople into his yard, Mike takes some rich people slummin’ with Tiffany, and everyone learns a thing or two about the Cushing family Christmas.
Highlights include:
  • Cover up your heat. [1:45]
  • Dear Prudence, OH GOD NO. Naughty in North Pole [4:00]
  • Gnome for the holidays. [16:00]
  • How the other half lives. [28:00]
  • You can’t just have this brain. [44:10]
  • Remember when Albert Einstein invented the Cupid Shuffle? [51:30]
  • National Treasure 3: JFK Brain Nuggies [53:00]
  • This slip is bananas. [61:00]
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November 22, 2017

TILP 48: Chubby Chaser

This week, Mike takes time to nurse a litter of opossum pups before just absolutely ruining Thanksgiving for everyone. Michael finds the best Internet name contest of all time, and everyone takes a moment to praise our new saucy savior. It’s our best yet.
Highlights include:
  • Is the patriarchy even worth anything anymore? [2:25]
  • Turkey drop update. [11:00]
  • Here come the Hot Cops. [19:00]
  • Time to play opossum mom. [25:20]
  • 2 Fat 2b Furious [35:00]
  • A portrait of the messiah in ketchup. [41:40]
  • Gritty McGritface [50:40]
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November 16, 2017

TILP 47: The Pork Knight Rises

This week, we open the show by forgetting the name of every famous artist. Mike takes a tasty bite of our Lord and Savior, Michael breaks some fake news, and we wonder why David Blaine won’t commit card crimes against ISIS.
Highlights include:
  • Someone please make Rush Hour 4. [5:15]
  • The Colonel and His 12 Disciples [10:30]
  • Blake Shelton and his no-good, unsexy balls. [18:10]
  • Bless this holy pork roll. [26:45]
  • Fake Penis News [33:15]
  • I can feel it, honkin’ in the air tonight. [38:00]
  • The Fart of the Deal [42:45]
  • Card Crimes Against ISIS [49:40]
  • Shaping young minds. [56:00]
00:0000:00
This week, we uncover definitive proof that Donald Trump is not an ancient werewolf and is, in fact, just a dumb old man. Mike armors up for a neighborhood brawl. Michael delves into the Dark Web. We dive right into a pizza orgy.
  • Accidentally in judged. [2:15]
  • You have to tell me if you're a cop. [6:00]
  • Perfect dark web. [10:15]
  • Daylight shut up Time. [18:40]
  • Garfield hates cumdays. [21:15]
  • Home on the ranch. [28:00]
  • More like Taxgiving. [33:50]
  • The Colonel's good blessings. [41:30]
  • Werewolves and Papa John triggers. [50:25]
  • I. AM. IRONMAN. [57:45]
  • Pizza orgies and Yoshi Yoshis. [64:45]
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November 3, 2017

TILP 45: Step Up 4 Deez Nutz

This week, the boys carefully back away from a small dog possessed by Endless Hunger. Mike laments a rift in the world’s most important family, Michael explores innovative toilet options, and we sift through Bin Laden’s movie collection.
Highlights include:
  • Go, go Kitchen Gadget [1:30]
  • Mustache things [5:15]
  • Fancy Feast [11:00]
  • Strangerest things. [18:00]
  • Fast 9: Civil War [19:30]
  • Alternative toilets [30:30]
  • Spread them cheeks, boys. Please. [39:20]
  • Osama Bin Downloadin’ [50:10]
  • WE ARE IMMORTAL. [61:00]
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